When did Domestic Abuse become about money?!

Hello! How are you all? I hope you all had a restful Easter. Me? I looked after my daughter’s dog for the weekend and didn’t see a soul! Not of the human species anyway. And it gave me time to think. To think back over my career – how I started and how far I have come. And I would do it all again you know? Because I care. I miss not working in refuge. This is going to sound strange but I had some of the most happy times in my life when I worked in refuge. Two of my best friends, I met when I worked in refuge. And the women that were in the refuge. That came and went. I don’t know how many. Hundreds I guess, in the time I was there.

You see, there is this myth that refuges are miserable hovels with weeping women everywhere and out of control children. That could not be further from the truth. Well, we did get some pretty out of control children to be fair but that was because the refuge was a safe environment for them to play up in. They knew they were not going to be punished or hit for being naughty. The women – were just delightful. I am still in touch with some of them over 20 years later. More to the point, some of THEM are still in touch. The friendships you make in refuge are the strongest friendships you will ever make. It isn’t miserable and depressing in a refuge, The women aren’t crying all the time. They are laughing. Because they are free! Because they can!

The first time I went into a refuge as a volunteer, I came out utterly convinced that every single woman in there that I had spoken to, had been married to my ex husband! There is a theory that goes round the sector that says there is a bible for perpetrators, that is handed on from one to the other because no matter where you are, their behaviour is the same. They all act the same. Even after 28 years of working in the sector, I am still baffled by this fact. And it is a fact.

But in the years I worked in refuge, I watched as refuges changed from grass roots organisations, into money making businesses. I think it started when Supporting People came in, in 2003.

The Supporting People Programme was a UK government initiative. It aimed to provide funding for housing-related support services for vulnerable people, including those who were homeless, elderly, or facing mental health issues. It also included those who were escaping domestic abuse and violence. The programme was designed to help people live independently, offering services like help with managing finances, dealing with mental health problems, and getting access to other essential services, which is part of what a refuge worker’s job was.

Before 2003, these services were funded through various programs, but the Supporting People Programme consolidated them under one umbrella, supposedly giving a clearer and more structured approach to supporting vulnerable individuals in the community. It was also part of a wider effort to address social inclusion and prevent homelessness. It was eventually replaced by a new system of funding through the Homelessness Reduction Act, and other funding streams.

I remember trying to get my head around everything that it entailed. What we were expected to do when a woman came into the refuge. Basically, we became completely dependent on Housing Benefit and if a woman was not able to claim Housing Benefit, we had to turn her away.

I vividly remember, before that, if a woman needed to flee, needed safe accommodation, and we could not find it within the network of refuges we had access to, we used to take her anyway. Even if we were full. Even if we had to put her with a sleeping bag on the living room floor. Because it was about keeping women safe. It was about caring, not money. We were no longer able to take women with no recourse to public funds. I remember myself and my colleagues desperately calling anywhere we could think of, to ask if they would give women safe shelter. I even once managed to get a convent to take a woman and her children. They were my last resort after calling around for hours.

I understand that refuges do not fund themselves. This is also a very common myth. That refuges are free to stay in! They aren’t. In London, refuges are upwards of £500 a week to stay in. Back then, (I don’t know if it is still the same), generally, the further north you went in the UK, the cheaper the cost to live in a refuge. The same was true of being rehoused. The further north you were prepared to go, the quicker you would be rehoused. I suspect that is no longer the case.

So if a woman has a job, she usually needs to leave her job because she will not be able to afford the rent of most refuges, plus it is not usually safe for her to remain in the area where she lived or may have worked. If you had your name on a property or you had savings, you could not get housing benefit, so you could not get in to refuge. This is why refuges are seen as being full of women who are on social benefits and live in social housing. Well, they are! Because of all the reasons I have stated!

But whilst I get all of this, I still want to know – WHEN did it ALL become about money? and WHY? There used to be hundreds of refuges when I worked in one. Funding cuts over the years have meant that it has become impossible for a lot of refuges to stay open. Lots have been taken over and swallowed up by housing associations. Again, ‘MONEY’.

That is sad! Not the women who reside in them. They are no longer sad. But the system that is supposed to help them after they have fled – now THAT, is sad!